My ex-boss worked me to the bone doing the work of four people at the very least. For no reason and without warning, the company decided to delete twenty-five years of important medical data over the weekend of New Year’s and replace the system with something none of us had ever seen before. They said it was “faster” this way. Maybe, I thought, but “faster because we’re looking at 1 GB of data instead of 7 TB” is not the same as “faster because the system is better”.
March comes around, and the company has been fundamentally useless in response to the many analysts who have been twiddling their thumbs, waiting for them to get their act together and restore the system we had.
My boss decides she has a bone to pick with me personally about this.
Boss: “Why haven’t you gotten in your monthly report?”
Me: “Because there is literally no data.”
Boss: *Laughing* “Of course there is!”
I show her the database.
Me: “No, there isn’t. The company scrubbed it over New Year’s.”
Boss: “When will it be back?”
Me: “According to the up-and-ups, never.”
Boss: “Well, that’s not acceptable.”
Me: “While I agree with you in principle, it’s not my decision.”
Boss: “But why didn’t you just download it?”
Me: “Because it would take 7 terabytes and about 400 hours.”
Boss: “You don’t know that.”
Me: “I do know that. It is literally my job. But good news: now that there’s almost no data, it should only take a little memory and a few seconds.”
Boss: “Why can’t you just request a floppy disk of the previous data?”
Me: “A what? A floppy? There’s no way—”
Boss: *Cutting me off* “In all my years, I have never seen a spreadsheet that couldn’t fit on a floppy disk.”
Me: “It’s not a spreadsheet. It’s a comprehensive series of interlocking databases. Since I don’t have access to the server, I’d have to pull it down one line at a time. That’s when I put it in a spreadsheet.”
Boss: “Then why didn’t you do that?”
Me: “Because I didn’t expect I had to.”
Boss: “You should have been on top of this.”
Me: “The company decided to do it without asking anyone. Seven out of the twenty-three data analysts have quit already.”
Boss: “And yet you’re still here.”
Me: “Right, because I like to think of myself as a loyal person.”
Boss: “And you think that’s going to earn you brownie points?”
Me: “What I think is that I told you about this on the first of the year, and now it’s March. I’ve been working with what data I have.”
Boss: “Did you call anyone?”
Me: “Yes, I did. I called a dozen people, and they all said the same thing: they decided to surprise us with a newer, better platform, and they would be rolling out training on it by the end of the year.”
Boss: “And have you attended that training?”
Me: “No, because it’s March. I have read the 1,000-page textbook on how to use the new system, and I have trained two of the other analysts on how to use it.”
Boss: “So, it’s your fault the entire company is out of data?”
Me: “What?!”
Boss: “Well, the whole company is out of data, and I learn that it’s my analyst who has been teaching them not to do their job.”
Me: “Ma’am, I don’t understand what you think is happening here, but I am literally the only analyst who has a basic understanding of this very complicated new system.”
Boss: “If you understand it, where’s the data from December?”
Me: “I already told you: it was deleted. It is gone. Forever. There’s no chance I can get it back.”
Boss: “And you didn’t think to warn me before you deleted it?”
Me: “I didn’t delete it. You can talk to [Boss’s Boss]; he will tell you that he was part of the group that did.”
Boss: “Then why didn’t you get on top of this sooner?”
Me: “I have reported every day in the group meetings and every time we have a one-on-one for two months that this occurred.”
Boss: “And we didn’t believe you then, and I don’t believe you now.”
Me: “And I’m guessing you didn’t ask your boss like I told you to?”
Boss: “Why would I? The situation is ridiculous.”
Me: “You’re telling me.”
Boss: “Then why did you do it?”
Me: “I’m telling you, I don’t have the power necessary to wipe the entire system, which is locked with several passcodes, nor would I care to do so.”
Boss: “So, you don’t care about your job?”
Me: “I’m not sure I do.”
A week later, I was let go, with “lack of loyalty” cited as the reason. I was hurt, but my dad told me my boss’s head would be the next to roll.
Two months later, I got a text from a former coworker chewing me out for getting the “best boss ever” fired. All I said back was, “I love how everyone keeps thinking I’m powerful enough to destroy your workplace.”
It was a crap job, and I was glad to be rid of it.
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